Give Me A Loan Today:: A “loaner moaner” tale with a happy ending, and lessons of responsible borrowing learned.
Give Me A Loan Today!
When he borrowed money yesterday afternoon
his wife cheered, “we’ll get that new car pretty soon!”
They danced in a circle then fell to the floor
“hey maybe they can loan us just a little bit more!”
We need new appliances and a trip to France!
lets ask the bank for another loan in advance
They got all their money fast and on time
and it took only 3 months to spend every dime
When the statement came in, with the money all gone
they thought, “gheesh, that sure didn’t take very long”
NOW how would they pay off that high interest debt?
then remembered they have one big credit card left
“we’ll take from Peter to pay off Paul”
until we can finally pay it off all…
they searched and searched until they found a new lender
who said, “we don’t care that you’re a big spender”
They breathed a sigh of temporary relief,
promised it was time to turn over a new leaf
“Financial Responsibility”, was their latest motto
an example to set for their children to follow
No more cars, toys, games or unnecessary things,
no more computers, tools, or fake diamond rings,
no more trips, furniture, flooring, or nights out,
they stayed home
they were disciplined
they took the honorable route
Four years have passed with their debt fully paid
and now they’ve decided to sell their home and upgrade
They called their bank to qualify for another home loan
and were approved in five minutes, right there on the phone.
What is the moral of this loan moaner tale?
“Our bad habits can change, we aren’t destined to fail,
with our life back on track, we can relax and exhale”.
Poem about Fat Loss! – Kiss your butt goodbye, poetically speaking…
This is a loss I will accept
goodbye to fat without regret
turns-out all is not okay,
as I heard a voice in the distance say,
“hey you!, yah you, where’s our wiggle,
we don’t bounce, sag, or jiggle!”
“Who’s that” I asked completely shocked,
“down here”, it said, “can you hear me talk?,
I do much better when I strut,
nice to meet you, I’m your butt”
“WHAT!” I screamed
“Butt’s don’t talk”,
“oh sure” it said, “I don’t just walk!
Where’s our fat, it keeps us warm,
we were big and shaggy and in top-form,”
“Um, excuse-me please”, I blurted out,
“our fat had to go, so don’t freak-out!,
I was getting tired, really worn-out,
so now I eat healthy and work-out,
No offense, but less of you looks better,
I don’t have to cover you up with my sweater,
Wiggling to the world in these tight jeans
is what my fat loss really means”
“you’re pretty shallow”, stated my butt,
I said, “dude, just do what you do best
Let’s strut!”
Poem, Sarcasm: Ok ladies I wrote this for you!..This is for every woman who suffers from “LOATTRC” (lack of access to the remote control).
Actually, I was thinking about my father and mother and my husband and myself, and how control of the “remote” usually becomes sole possession of the “male” in the house!
Statistics are indicating the highest demographic now using the internet are middle-aged women. Do we really need high paid statisticians to analyze this,..puh-leeeeze…
Ok, this is for all the rocket scientists out there..listen up..”it’s because men are hogging the remote”. Women have given up. We are now sitting in living rooms with laptop computers keeping our thighs warm, while hubby flips channels to his hearts content. Occasionally we peek up to enjoy 20 seconds of a program, but we know we will never see the entire show, and gawd forbid we tell our husbands to leave it on one channel for a minute, that “stare” we get is suppose to put us in our place. We’re shivering in fear. Not.
Of course you know I mean this all in jest, however within all this sarcasm are some fundamental truths! …do you hear that…the simultaneous clacking of computer keyboards throughout the world..the advantage will be ours. We can watch movies on our lap top with headphones on. Last laugh is ours!
Don’t Take My Flipper Away
There he sits!
He constantly Flips!
The channels buzz by my brain!
My hand reaches over to grab the controller
he barks! “don’t touch my claim”!
I’m not only furious,
but just a bit curious
how the flipper became his possession!
Some say I tolerate his gimmies due to cupid
while others insist I’m just plain stupid!
But that’s O.K. I began to pray
He can have it everyday,
he said,
When I leave him,
“take the car, take the house,
take the furniture too,
just don’t take my clicker away”
Being the generous sort,
I didn’t retort
I just gave him my sole plea
I’m worried about you,
it’s all that you do,
So when I left I took the house,
the car AND THE TV!
Although he has no hair,
just the clicker and his chair
the clicker is his to keep!
Old expressions ring true
be careful won’t you,
we often sow what it is that we reap!
Another collaboration of work – Written by me (Barbara Tremblay Cipak (aka Drageda) and Elvis Proctor)- It’s a sarcastic country song about a guy who couldn’t get a girl, was ignored and laughed at..until he won the lottery: The Lyrics are below and the video created to it is above, take a listen!
If you’re an Artist interested in this song, please contact me by posting below, or you can contact our Publisher for this song, Nashville Song Service. However, you’ll need to be sure to be specific in their comment box that you’re interested in “Kiss My Assets” by Barbara Tremblay Cipak and Elvis Proctor.
And, hey, thanks for listening to….
Kiss My Assets!
(VERSE 1)
Just to think last night you laughed at me
Said poor white trash is all I would ever be
You wouldn’t waste your so precious time
I’m on a dead-end road,you can see the signs
You say you’re busy when I call your phone
Even had your brother tell me to leave it alone
You wouldn’t believe how I was so depressed
I spent my last dollar at the convenient express
I was wondering since I haven’t been around
Could you hear me laughing,on your side of town
(CHORUS)
3, 15, 27, 6, 19, 11
Missed my invite to your party
and apparently you think I can’t dance
“hit the road buddy”
think that’s what you said?
“you’ve two left feet,
no brain in that head”
think ya even wished me dead?
3, 15, 27, 6, 19, 11
my ticket “a done come’in”
shoulda heard that terminal sing…
bought the Dance Hall, the Flower Shop,
and Alvin’s Funeral Home,
sent you an invite to my
“If I were Dead Party”…
just planning ahead is all,
‘case I slip and fall…or some’in
thought you could help me
pick out my casket
so come on over, it’s all good,
too tired to help?
then just Kiss My Assets!
(VERSE 2)
You wouldn’t give me the time of day
Now you hang on every word I say
Every girl on my block wouldn’t speak
Now I get flowers every day of the week
No-one would give me a ride in their car
Now I have a limo, “hot damn I’m a star!”
You want to know if You can hang out too
Well its funny, I don’t have any time for you
(BRIDGE TO FINAL CHORUS)
but wait! let me check my schedule
maybe I can fit you in,
I can see you at 3:15 in 2027
or 6:19 in 2011
I’ve hit the road
gone searching for brains
so forgive me, I’m a little booked up
busy hosting “if I were dead parties” and such
just planning ahead is all,
‘case I slip and fall…or some’in
are ya having any regrets yet?
well just buckle up and pucker up
cause honey
you can Kiss My Assets!
Poem – Looking for a Job: For those job hunting, some sarcastic humor to keep the tears and panic away. Sometimes sarcasm is just what the doctor ordered.
Application Hell
Do you know how many jobs are out there?
Apparently, the superabundance is so overwhelming,
it will make me cry with gratitude.
The choices are spectacular!
Employers en masse, like a parade of dancing cash.
Sixteen hours of resume revamping,
twenty two hours of cover letter re-design,
and days of emailing to those who are dying to hire me.
Oh yes.
I warned my neighbours of the coming onslaught.
Checked the local bylaws
to ensure the parade of opportunity conformed.
Adorned my body in pinstripes.
The hair. You should see the hair:
Arched at the edges it screams Management Material!
Oh yes. All is good.
Six months have passed.
Do you know how many jobs are NOT out there?
Apparently, the drought is so overwhelming,
I had to stop crying. I couldn’t afford the tissues.
The choices for car washing, flipping burgers and pouring coffee,
spectacular.
I’m not educated to wash, flip, and pour;
I really should have planned better.
Employers must be IN Mass.
And cash doesn’t dance.
Credit cards do.
Sixteen hours of resume revamping,
Twenty hours of cover letter re-design and months of emailing.
gave me one thing I didn’t have, cramps.
Oh yes, the bylaws need revamping…
employer onslaughts, went with the wind.
About my hair. It’s a lovely shade of in-shock grey.
Pinstripes? Let’s not go there.
So what have I done for me lately,
I whipped out the good china to have a coffee,
Didn’t have time to use it before.
Unemployed class, all is good.
By Barbara Tremblay Cipak, Copyrighted
Willing to Collaborate with Artists - If Interested in Lyrics, Contact Barbara Tremblay Cipak at 416-566-0643 or barbara@drageda.com - Author of Song Lyrics, and Poetry, and creator of related Videos on Drageda.com - Thank you!
