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Application Hell – A Poem about Job Hunting

For those job hunting, some sarcastic humor to keep the tears and panic away.

Sometimes sarcasm is just what the doctor ordered. This poem about job hunting is meant to ease the agony! Finding a new job or a first job is no picnic and this poem is meant to reflect that in a way that drips with sarcasm.

Application Hell

Do you know how many jobs are out there?

Apparently, the superabundance is so overwhelming,
it will make me cry with gratitude.
The choices are spectacular!
Employers en masse, like a parade of dancing cash.
Sixteen hours of resume revamping,
twenty two hours of cover letter re-design,
and days of emailing to those who are dying to hire me.
Oh yes.
I warned my neighbours of the coming onslaught.
Checked the local bylaws
to ensure the parade of opportunity conformed.
Adorned my body in pinstripes.
The hair. You should see the hair:
Arched at the edges it screams Management Material!
Oh yes. All is good.
Six months have passed.
Do you know how many jobs are NOT out there?
Apparently, the drought is so overwhelming,
I had to stop crying. I couldn’t afford the tissues.
The choices for car washing, flipping burgers and pouring coffee,
I’m not educated to wash, flip, and pour;
I really should have planned better.
Employers must be IN Mass.
And cash doesn’t dance.
Credit cards do.
Sixteen hours of resume revamping,
Twenty hours of cover letter re-design and months of emailing.
gave me one thing I didn’t have, cramps.
Oh yes, the bylaws need revamping…
employer onslaughts, went with the wind.
About my hair. It’s a lovely shade of in-shock grey.
Pinstripes? Let’s not go there.
So what have I done for me lately,
I whipped out the good china to have a coffee,
Didn’t have time to use it before.
Unemployed class, all is good.

By Barbara Tremblay Cipak, Copyrighted

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