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Kiss My Assets – Song About Winning the Lottery

Filed in Collaborative Lyrics, Funny & Sarcastic Poems/Lyrics by on April 24, 2009 0 Comments • views: 3093

It’s a sarcastic country song about a guy who couldn’t get a girl, was ignored and laughed at..until he won the lottery!

Kiss My Assets


Just to think last night you laughed at me

Said poor white trash is all I would ever be
You wouldn’t waste your so precious time
I’m on a dead-end road,you can see the signs
You say you’re busy when I call your phone
Even had your brother tell me to leave it alone
You wouldn’t believe how I was so depressed
I spent my last dollar at the convenient express
I was wondering since I haven’t been around
Could you hear me laughing,on your side of town

3, 15, 27, 6, 19, 11
Missed my invite to your party
and apparently you think I can’t dance
“hit the road buddy”
think that’s what you said?
“you’ve two left feet,
no brain in that head”
think ya even wished me dead?
3, 15, 27, 6, 19, 11
my ticket “a done come’in”
shoulda heard that terminal sing…
bought the Dance Hall, the Flower Shop,
and Alvin’s Funeral Home,
sent you an invite to my
“If I were Dead Party”…
just planning ahead is all,
‘case I slip and fall…or some’in
thought you could help me
pick out my casket
so come on over, it’s all good,
too tired to help?
then just Kiss My Assets!

You wouldn’t give me the time of day
Now you hang on every word I say
Every girl on my block wouldn’t speak
Now I get flowers every day of the week
No-one would give me a ride in their car
Now I have a limo, “hot damn I’m a star!”
You want to know if You can hang out too
Well its funny, I don’t have any time for you

but wait! let me check my schedule
maybe I can fit you in,
I can see you at 3:15 in 2027
or 6:19 in 2011
I’ve hit the road
gone searching for brains
so forgive me, I’m a little booked up
busy hosting “if I were dead parties” and such
just planning ahead is all,
‘case I slip and fall…or some’in
are ya having any regrets yet?
well just buckle up and pucker up
cause honey
you can Kiss My Assets!

Written By Barbara Tremblay Cipak & Elvis Proctor

If you’re an Artist interested in this song you can contact our Publisher for this song, Nashville Song Service. Be sure to be specific in their comment box that you’re interested in “Kiss My Assets” by Barbara Tremblay Cipak and Elvis Proctor.

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